oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize