dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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