I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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