I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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