can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
