remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
