he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
