Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That accounts for only three of the penises
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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