Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
