I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
