She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
