plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
