alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
