your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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