He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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