Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
