I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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