I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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