my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
