If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
