There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
