One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
