i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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