It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
