I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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