don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
