When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
