I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
