im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
