May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
