So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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