doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
