Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
