I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Boobs speak an international language.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
