you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
