why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
