So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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