I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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