Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
