you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
