With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
