Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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