His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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