You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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