I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
