With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
