We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
