somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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