finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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