I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
