my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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