please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
