I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
