We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize