How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
