yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
