Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
