Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
