he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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