The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
