So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
