He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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