glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
