I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize