Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
