my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
