hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
