why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
