if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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