He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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