I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
