youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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