If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
