I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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