Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
