I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
