i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
