he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
