U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
false alarm. still invincible.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is my gift to your gina
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
